Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
