I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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