You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
