Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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