does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
