apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
