Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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