My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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