I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
