I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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