Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
