Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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