Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Did I show you my penis last night?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
