You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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