Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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