Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
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