i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I think we might need a safe word for this...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
