I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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