i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
