Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
