Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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