Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
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