I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
