Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
