i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so let's talk penis.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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