you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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