If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Dicks are not precious.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
