There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
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I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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