you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
