How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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