Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
50% drunk capacity currently
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
