Sponge bath it is.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
