I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
