"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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