then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
