bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize