Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
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Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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