hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
