Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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