i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
