Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Watching her eat just hurts me
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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