FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
