The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Randomize
