oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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