I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
