remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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