I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
