I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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