My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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