If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
