i need an iv and a liver transplant
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
