She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
