It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
