My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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