so that wasnt chicken after all
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
