I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
