i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
