if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
