talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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