Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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