please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
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You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags