So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.