Porn is love you can see.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
Just general bites
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.