Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house