Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.