The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack