maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
