I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy