I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
21 Horny People Confess Their Boldest Sexual Advances
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
29 Shocking Confessions That People Thought Were A Joke
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you