chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
