Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I would fuck him just for his dog
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