In the future we'll all be gay
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
