Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
