She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
