is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
