she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
