I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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