I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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