Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
