My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
