i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
