I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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