He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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