we have officially lost it.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
