He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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