I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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